Do you ever fall into that trap? You know the one I mean — that little voice that tells you it’s not good enough. It could be a project you’re working on, health improvement efforts you haven’t been sticking to perfectly, that novel you’ve been working on forever, because you just can’t get it perfect….

What Is Perfectionism?

When I talk about perfectionism in this context, what I’m talking about is the need to do a particular thing perfectly; not the overarching character trait of being a perfectionist.

Obviously, these two things can overlap, but often, we may have some perfectionistic tendencies without being a perfectionist in all areas of our lives.

So what, exactly, is perfectionism?

Here’s what the Google AI Overview says:

Perfectionism is a personality trait characterized by an unrelenting drive to achieve flawless standards.

~ Google AI Overview

Interestingly, this personality trait be either positive or negative, depending on how we adapt.

According to an article by Laura Dorwart on Verywell Health (1), perfectionism can be divided into either adaptive or maladaptive behavior:

Adaptive perfectionism: Involves conscientiousness, organization, striving for excellence, and ambitious goals. It is a positive personality trait linked to career success, high self-esteem, happiness, and greater life satisfaction. 

Maladaptive perfectionism: Is characterized by a tendency to set extremely high, rigid, or “flawless” goals and place excessive demands on oneself and others.¹ Maladaptive perfectionists can spiral into a self-perpetuating perception of underachievement, and often experience anxiety, depression, and feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem.

~ Laura Dorwart, Verywell Health

On the positive side, leaning toward perfectionism can make us more conscientious and motivate us to strive toward excellence. On the other hand, it can cause us to set unrealistic, unattainable goals and then beat ourselves up when we can’t meet them.

I’m not a psychologist, so I’m not qualified to speak on the ins and outs of perfectionism. BUT working as a health coach and personal trainer for many years allowed me to see how it can derail us and even completely stop us in our tracks at times.

From a personal standpoint, I’ve seen how it has affected my pursuit of becoming an artist from time to time. In fact, I recently talked about how my fear of messing up paralyzed me for a bit.

Here’s one of the main problems with perfectionism, especially when it comes to those of us who are rewriting our stories…. When we are starting something new, we’re not going to be perfect at it right away. When we have these unrealistic expectations of ourselves, we set ourselves up for failure from the outset.

As Winston Churchill famously said, “Perfection is the enemy of progress.”

So how do we keep perfectionism from slipping in and messing things up?

Tips to Help Let Go of Perfectionism

These are a few of the things that have worked for me and my clients over the years.

Watch Your Self-Talk

How we talk to ourselves matters! If we have a constant stream of self-critical thoughts running through our heads all the time, we’ll start to believe them. It’s so important to catch those thoughts early and reframe them in a way that helps us move forward.

When I first messed up those ripples in the flag in my Dad’s picture, my first thought was something like, “Oh no! I’ve ruined it!” I quickly reframed it, though, and told myself, “Don’t panic; you can fix this.”

Can you see how the first thought could have stopped me in my tracks and made me quit? The second one was much more helpful in allowing me to give myself some grace and start figuring out what to do next.

Embrace a Growth Mindset

A growth mindset tells us it’s okay to make mistakes, that they’re actually learning experiences, that we really can become who we want to be if we’re willing to put in the work.

Viewing our mistakes or not-so-perfect results as learning opportunities instead of failures can give us the courage to try again, knowing that the more we practice, the better we get.

Let Go of All Or Nothing Thinking

So many times we get caught in the trap of thinking if we can’t do it perfectly, we might as well not do anything. BUT something done imperfectly is better than nothing done perfectly.

Thinking we have to do every single thing and do it perfectly can paralyze us. We can become stuck, unable to move forward.

Instead of thinking we have to get it all just right, let’s just do something.

Rather than trying to work on our next novel, our next masterpiece, or that 20-pound weight loss, why not just write one word, practice one brush stroke, or eat one extra serving of vegetables at dinner?

After all something — no matter how imperfect it may be — is better than nothing.

Focus More On the Journey Than On the Results

You’ve probably heard the saying, “enjoy the journey” many times. There’s a lot of wisdom in that. If we concentrate all our attention on the end results, what happens when those results are not what we hoped for? We run the risk of becoming discouraged and giving up on our dream.

It’s much more useful to focus on the step we’re on. Whether it’s actually enjoying the art project we’re working on, figuring out the next plot twist for our novel, or planning our meals for the next week, each step moves us closer to where we want to be.

Good Enough Is Good Enough

Things don’t have to be perfect to be good. Rather than striving for perfection, let’s do our best and when things don’t work out the way we hoped, give ourselves some grace.

As long as we’re trying, we’re moving forward. Let’s not let perfectionism stop us in our tracks!

Do you ever struggle with perfectionism? What have you found helpful in getting past it? Please share!

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Sources:

(1) Understanding Perfectionism by Laura Dorwart, Verywell Health, https://www.verywellhealth.com/perfectionism-5323816